Hilarious Jokes Told In Movies


We’re not talking about funny lines, but actual jokes!

Usually, when we laugh at a movie it’s because of the dialogue or situations the characters get themselves into. But sometimes, a character will stop and tell an actual joke with a setup and punchline! Here are some of the best examples:

1.

When Nick (Jason Bateman) told the sloth this knee-slapper at the DMV:


Disney

“What do you call a three-humped camel? Pregnant!”

2.

In Jurassic Park, when Tim (Joseph Mazzello) tells this very on-point joke considering where they are:


Universal

Tim: “What do you call a blind dinosaur?”

Dr. Alan Grant: “I don’t know. What do you call a blind dinosaur?”

Tim: “A Do-you-think-he-saurus.”

3.

In A Prairie Home Companion, when Lefty (John C. Reilly) tells Dusty (Woody Harrelson) this one while performing the song “Bad Jokes”:


New Line

Lefty: “Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?”

Dusty: “No, I did not.”

Lefty: “Yeah, it runs in your jeans.”

4.

In Coming to America, when Saul (Eddie Murphy) tells the guys at the barbershop this golden oldie:


Paramount

“A man goes into a restaurant. He sits down, he’s havin’ a bowl of soup. He says to the waiter, ‘Waiter, come taste the soup.’ Waiter says, ‘Is there something wrong with the soup?’ He says, ‘Taste the soup.’ Waiter says, ‘Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot?’ The man says, ‘Will you taste the soup?’ ‘What’s wrong? Is the soup too cold?’ ‘Will you just taste the soup?’ ‘All right, I’ll taste the soup. Where’s the spoon?’ ‘Ah-ha!'”

5.

In Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, when Perry (Val Kilmer) directed this angry joke at Harry (Robert Downey Jr.):


Warner Bros.

Perry: “Look up ‘idiot’ in the dictionary. Do you know what you’ll find?”

Harry: “A picture of me?”

Perry: “No! The definition of the word ‘idiot,’ which you fucking are!”

6.

When the android Andrew (Robin Williams) told this joke in Bicentennial Man:


Buena Vista/Sony

“Two cannibals were eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, ‘Does this taste funny to you?'”

7.

In Pulp Fiction, when Mia (Uma Thurman) told this joke:


Miramax

“Three tomatoes are walking down the street: a papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Papa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and squishes him…and says: ‘Ketchup.'”

8.

In Her, when Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix) told his A.I. virtual assistant Samantha this one:


Warner Bros.

Theodore: “What does a baby computer call its father?”

Samantha: “I don’t know. What?”

Theodore: “Data.”

9.

In 28 Days Later, when Mark (Noah Huntley) tells this animal-themed joke:


Fox Searchlight

“A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, ‘Oi. You can’t leave that lyin’ there.’ And the man says, ‘No. It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.’”

10.

In Fargo, when Marge (Frances McDormand) told this yucker:


Gramercy Pictures

“Say Lou, didya hear the one about the guy who couldn’t afford personalized plates, so he went and changed his name to J3L2404?”

11.

In Mary Poppins, when Uncle Albert (Ed Wynn) told this funny one that started out sad:


Disney

Uncle Albert: “Yesterday, when the lady next door answered the door, there was a man there, and the man said to the lady, ‘I’m terribly sorry, I just ran over your cat.'”

Jane: “Oh, that is sad.”

Michael: “The poor cat.”

Uncle Albert: “And the man said, ‘I’d like to replace your cat.’ And the lady said, ‘That’s all right with me, but how are you with catching mice?'”

12.

In The Pursuit of Happyness, when Chris Jr. (Jaden Smith) told this joke that’ll make you think:


Sony

“Hey Dad, you wanna hear something funny? There was a man who was drowning, and a boat came, and the man on the boat said ‘Do you need help?’ and the man said ‘God will save me.’ Then another boat came and he tried to help him, but he said ‘God will save me.’ Then he drowned and went to Heaven. Then the man told God, ‘God, why didn’t you save me?’ and God said ‘I sent you two boats, you dummy!'”

13.

And in What About Bob?, when Bob (Bill Murray) gets the whole hospital laughing:


Touchstone

“The psychiatrist draws a circle and asks his patient, ‘What do you think when you see that?’ The guy says ‘Sex.’ So the doctor draws a picture of a tree. ‘What do you think of that one?’ Guy says ‘Sex.’ The doctor draws a picture of a car, a house. ’Sex, sex, sex.’ The doctor finally says, ‘You know, you’re obsessed with sex.’ And the patient says, ‘Well, you’re the one drawing all the dirty pictures!’”

TV and Movies

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